Three most important qualities for effective communication are respect, openness and persistence. A couple’s vision emerges from a process of reflection and inquiry. It requires both people to speak from the heart about what really matters to each one. No wonder good communication is so hard!
Effective communication means you need to pay attention to:
Effective communication means you need to pay attention to:
- Managing unruly emotions, such as anger that is too intense
- How you are communicating – whining, blaming, being vague, etc.
- What you want from your partner during the discussion
- What the problem symbolizes to you
- The outcome you want from the discussion
- Your partner’s major concerns
- How you can help your partner become more responsive to you
- The beliefs and attitudes you have about the problem
Some Final Thoughts…
Love is destroyed when self-interest dominates.
The possibility exists that we choose partners we need but don’t necessarily want.
You create trust by doing what you say you will do.
It’s impossible to be in a highly inter-dependent relationship without ever being judgmental or being judged.
If you strive to always feel emotionally safe in your relationship and get it, you will pay the price by becoming dull. If neither of you ever rocks the boat, you will end up with a dull relationship.
Most of the ineffective things we do in relationships fall into a few categories:
- Blame or attempt to dominate
- Disengage/withdraw
- Resentful compliance
- Whine
- Denial or confusion
These are the normal emotional reactions to feeling a threat or high stress. Improving your relationship means better management of these reactions!
Businesses and marriages fail for the same three reasons… a failure to:
Businesses and marriages fail for the same three reasons… a failure to:
- Learn from the past
- Adapt to changing conditions
- Predict probable future problems and take action
Everything you do works for some part of you, even if other parts of you don’t like it!
If you are asking your partner to change something, sometimes it’s a good idea to ask if the change is consistent with how they aspire to be in that situation.
If you are asking your partner to change something, sometimes it’s a good idea to ask if the change is consistent with how they aspire to be in that situation.
Effective change requires insight plus action. Action without insight is thoughtless. Insight without action is passivity.
[Adapted from 2006 Copyright: The Couples Institute]