Important Concepts of Couples Therapy & Relationships
Attitude is Key!
 
  • Attitude toward change is more important than what Action to take.
  • What to do and how to do it can often be easily identified. The real challenge is why you don’t do it.
  • How to think differently about a problem is often more effective than just trying to figure out what action to take.
  • Accept the limitations of your partner and of yourself to respond.
 
Focus on changing yourself rather than your partner.
 
Focus on your own goals and support your partner’s objectives.
 
Adjust your expectations.
 
Focus on improving your response. It’s more common to build a strong case for why the other should do the improving.
 
You can’t change your partner. Your partner can’t change you. You can influence each other.
 
Fear lets you know you’re not prepared. Prepare the best you can.
The more you believe your partner should be different, the less initiative you will take to change the patterns between you.


Some Contradictions:
 
Conflict is growth trying to happen, and learning to manage inevitable disagreements is the key to more harmonious relationships.

It’s not what you say. It’s what they hear.
We are all responsible for how we express ourselves, no matter how others treat us!

Tough Questions:
Why is it important to let your partner know what you think, feel and are concerned about?   Because they really can’t appreciate what they don’t understand.

Can you legitimately expect your partner to treat you better than you treat him/her?

Can you legitimately expect your partner to treat you better than you treat yourself?

If you want your partner to change, do you think about what you can do to make it easier?

 
“To be a champ you have to believe in yourself when nobody else will.”  Sugar Ray Robinson

                                         [Adapted from 2006 Copyright: The Couples Institute]